Ten Reasons I'm Going To The League.

After weighing the costs and benefits of my decision, I have found ten reasons why I am entering my name in the NBA Draft next year. This is the letter I am sending to commissioner David Stern.

Dear Commissioner Daniel Stern (I mean David, I get you confused with the actor from Bushwhacked, which was a classic by the way),

Please take me seriously. I really want this chance. Like whoa. You know? You always talk about how you want to clean up the league, well I'm no gangsta hip hop kind of guy. Here is why I think you should consider me a talent that is vital to the success of the NBA.

10) I've done P90X once.

9) It's free.

8) The Heat are still hiring. If it comes down to it, I might get a call from Pat Riley. I'd sign a one year, one dollar contract. I'm not in it for the money Pat. And I know you're strapped...

7) I've been to college. So I have a leg up on the likes of Kobe Bryant, Kevin Garnett, and Carmelo Anthony. KG, do you know the derivative of pi? I didn't think so.

6) I once went two days straight without missing a piece of trash in my office trash can.

5) I love the game.

4) People say I look like Mike when I don his jersey. That's enough isn't it?

3) My high school has produced one NBA talent. He got cut after he didn't show up to practice one day. I want to top that. I want to get cut because I show up to practice, and I ....stink.

2) I have tremendous sports pedigree in my genes. My dad attended one practice in high school football. Realized he didn't like getting hit. My brother played slow pitch softball every Monday night in Raytown. And my mom once took an archery class at Oklahoma State University. Sports is in the blood line. This shall surely take me to the top.

1) Actually, I've done P90x twice. That way, I'm in prime shape for any workout the coaches throw my way.

Once again, thank you for the time, and I look forward to the opportunity to score buckets in the league.

P

PS. (Daniel Stern was also burglar in Home Alone.) Sorry for the confusion.

Miami - Party in the club while the HEAT is on...for now.

Thanks Big Willie. For the title. Now I know what you mean by "partying in the club while the Heat is on" really means, because man, oh man the Heat. are. on.

When you sign three of the top ten scorers in the NBA last year, all of whom were big parts of the Olympic Gold team, that defines being on. And when you do such a thing, there's also such a thing as a bandwagon that increases by leaps and bounds. And bandwagon fans usually increase as quickly as rabbits have kids in the springtime. It's a known fact.

Everyone's in love right now, with the Miami Heat at least.

I mean how could you not be? They have Bron Bron, D-Wade, and Chris Bosh. That's a big three.

But let me tell you that I'm not too impressed with the Miami Heat. They will have a great season, but 70 wins? no. A title? no. A dynasty? absolutely not.

I'll give you five reasons why.

1) In a land far away, Zydrunas Ilgauskas can defend Dwight Howard in the paint. But in the NBA, Zydrunas Ilgauskas is just a washed up veteran with a decent jump shot. So at the end of the day, the Miami heat still have no center to bang with the Andrew Bynums and Dwight Howards of the league.

2) The Heat are about as deep as a kiddie pool with a leak in it. Alot of pressure is going to be put on the big three to average a hundred minutes or so a game and...games are only forty eight minutes long?

Wade and Bosh have never averaged more than forty minutes a game in their career. Lebron has done it once...

And yes, you have Udonis Hasbeen and Mike Green River Miller, but that's about as deep as it goes. I will personally guarantee each of the big three will be injured during some point in the season. Harsh on the depth I'd say.

3) Bosh is soft. Need I say more? And the Heat don't have a point guard. Don't call Lebron a point guard, and don't call Wade one either. They're not. They're scorers, and it will be fun to see all three try to coexist with each other after being the main guy on their respective teams before. Don't bring up the Olympics, that was a handful of games. This is a hundred or so...

4) The West has given up some major talent to the East, while not giving any of this major talent to the Heat. Boozer to the Bulls. Ama're to the Suns. For teams like the Lakers, and Mavericks, and Spurs (oh my) who have star power forwards, that is a dream come true. The power forward position in the East just got a whole lot better. Look out Bosh.

5) The Lakers are better without making any major moves. Steve Blake is a big signing, so is resigning Derek Fisher, and if they end up with Raja Bell too, that means they go about nine or ten deep, while the Heat go about five deep now. So if the Heat are looking to beat the Lakers in a seven game series, it's not looking good, especially when the Lakers still have the Black Mamba. and Pau "my favorite shaving cream is Bar" Gasol (but he never uses it).


There's my five. Take them or leave them.

And I know to the normal NBA fan, this might make more sense than say, to a fan who has been converted over to Heat-ianity or Heati-sm per say.

But hopefully I shed some light on some logic concerning the Miami Heat love fest. And always remember in Miami: it's not the Heat, it's the humidity.

P.S. Keep partying Miami, you've already won your prize. or prizes...