After weighing the costs and benefits of my decision, I have found ten reasons why I am entering my name in the NBA Draft next year. This is the letter I am sending to commissioner David Stern.
Dear Commissioner Daniel Stern (I mean David, I get you confused with the actor from Bushwhacked, which was a classic by the way),
Please take me seriously. I really want this chance. Like whoa. You know? You always talk about how you want to clean up the league, well I'm no gangsta hip hop kind of guy. Here is why I think you should consider me a talent that is vital to the success of the NBA.
10) I've done P90X once.
9) It's free.
8) The Heat are still hiring. If it comes down to it, I might get a call from Pat Riley. I'd sign a one year, one dollar contract. I'm not in it for the money Pat. And I know you're strapped...
7) I've been to college. So I have a leg up on the likes of Kobe Bryant, Kevin Garnett, and Carmelo Anthony. KG, do you know the derivative of pi? I didn't think so.
6) I once went two days straight without missing a piece of trash in my office trash can.
5) I love the game.
4) People say I look like Mike when I don his jersey. That's enough isn't it?
3) My high school has produced one NBA talent. He got cut after he didn't show up to practice one day. I want to top that. I want to get cut because I show up to practice, and I ....stink.
2) I have tremendous sports pedigree in my genes. My dad attended one practice in high school football. Realized he didn't like getting hit. My brother played slow pitch softball every Monday night in Raytown. And my mom once took an archery class at Oklahoma State University. Sports is in the blood line. This shall surely take me to the top.
1) Actually, I've done P90x twice. That way, I'm in prime shape for any workout the coaches throw my way.
Once again, thank you for the time, and I look forward to the opportunity to score buckets in the league.
P
PS. (Daniel Stern was also burglar in Home Alone.) Sorry for the confusion.
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